Today is my last day of being just normal me. Tomorrow at 10:45 Sam and I go to the oncologist to find out if I have cancer. I don’t expect to be surprised. The doctor said she would call me as soon as she got the test results, but the only call we got was one telling us to come in tomorrow. I’m pretty sure that doesn’t mean good news. So I spent this past weekend trying to truly live in the moment, knowing that everything will change soon. I will become a patient, and my life will become about treatment, and whatever that entails.
So far my last normal day has been exactly that, very normal. I got up, went to work and came home. I keep feeling like I should do something while I’m still officially “healthy”, but I don’t know what. I did look at shoes for a little while after work, but I got tired too soon to really enjoy it. I feel like I should get some last hurrah – almost like a bachelorette party for my healthy self – but I definitely don’t want a party. Just something.
I did get a fantastic gift though – I found a Bible verse that I feel that God just gave me directly. It’s amazing. It’s Isaiah 41:13 and it says: I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand and say to you, ‘Don’t be afraid; I will help you’.
I’m going to be ok- whether or not I’m well. God is holding my hand, telling me not to be afraid, he’s going to help me. Seriously. What could be better than that?