what’s fear got to do with it?

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The bone marrow biopsy wasn’t as bad as I had been expecting. Thinking back, neither was the biopsy of the adrenal gland. So far, everything has been worse in anticipation than in actuality. In other words, I went through more from the fear ahead of time than from the actual procedures.

I need to hold on harder. I need to worry less and give thanks more. I put myself through a difficult few days being so afraid of this biopsy, and I’m trying hard not to do it again for the upcoming chemotherapy. What I really need to do is to stop trying so hard altogether and just relax and remember who is in charge of all of it. It’s like anything hard or painful – the more I fight it, the harder it gets. I just have to let go and surrender to the process – let God be God and know that I am not, and just rest in that.

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