my life is not completely different


Last night I said to Sam, “My life is completely different now”.  Sam, being who he is, said, “No, it’s not completely different.  Some things are different but many things are the same”.

Sam and I are a great example of opposites attracting.  Sam is a logic-based, black-and-white, literal person.  He doesn’t understand the concept of exaggeration.  (He knows people do it, he just doesn’t get why).  If you ask him what color the house across the street is, he will tell you it’s white on this side.  He doesn’t jump to the conclusion that the other side is also white.  I, on the other hand, think a conversation without hyperbole is dull as dust bunnies, and tend to use words like “always”, “never” and “millions of times”.  I say things like “the other day” when I’m talking about an event a few weeks or months ago (Sam will, by the way, gladly tell me the exact date of this event.)

So, as Sam very accurately pointed out, my life is not completely different.  Some things are.  I am now a cancer patient.  I will be considered a cancer patient/survivor for the rest of my life, and always have to be watched, checked, tested – and always have the possibility of it returning.  That is, of course, assuming we get rid of it.

That’s another difference, a big one.  I could die.  Actually that’s not different – I could die any day, we all could.  But I’m much more aware of it now.  I am much more conscious of the fact that this life is loaned to me and what I do with it matters.  It isn’t mine to just waste.

Things that are the same:  My family, my friends, my job, my church, my day-to-day life.

Things that are different: Being much more aware of the distance of miles and time, and the closeness of heart, between me and my family; being overwhelmed by the love and support being poured out by friends; realizing how much God blessed me with a job where I am treated like a person more than a worker and shown so much care; seeing my church rising up in prayer and support like I have never experienced before in my life; my day-to-day life being filled and illuminated with the presence of God.

What is different is I could die.  What is the same is I am alive.

What is the same is me.  What is different is ME!

One thought on “my life is not completely different

  1. grace haas

    Dearest Kim-

    It is so difficult to be Mom and not be able to “be Mom”. It feels like you are on the other side of the world sometimes when I want to be beside you, holding you and longing to do something to help like a parent should be able to do. At the same time, I am so thankful for all that you do have – particularly Sam’s devotion and support, and the love of so many who are able to surround you, physically and with prayer for you during your ongoing treatment. You know how much your family loves and supports you, and we are steadfast in our prayers for your recovery. You are in your winter, but spring will be here for you soon!

    Love, Mom

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