hitting the wall


I had my first video chat with my grandsons last night.  It was almost like being right there – all the laughing, and talking over each other, and pushing each other out of the way to get to talk to Nana, all the silliness and fun and noise.  I can’t remember when I’ve had so much fun sitting in front of a laptop.

The boys (7-year-old twins and a 5-year-old, all brilliant, funny, amazing dudes) made all their best goofy faces to make me laugh.  They told me what they were doing in school.  I got to see games they were playing, and hear an excellent recitation of a poem about a snowman whose nose was eaten by a bunny.   They made my heart melt with dozens of cyber-kisses and hugs at the screen.

Then they wanted to see my house. ( They’ve never been all the way to Nebraska, it’s a lot easier for me to hop on a plane or Papa Sam and I to jump on I-80 than for all three little energy balls to make the drive all the way from Wisconsin.)  So I picked up the laptop and gave them a tour.  It was so much fun showing them my house and hearing their comments and questions.

Interestingly, the thing they were most curious about was the refrigerator and it’s contents.  “What’s the round thing between the milk and the apple juice, Nana?”  “That’s grated parmesan cheese, for on spaghetti”.   “And are those noodles on the next shelf?”  “Yes, those noodles ARE the spaghetti, and the container under it is sauce.”  “WOW, just like at our house!”  I’m not sure what they thought that Nanas in Nebraska ate, but they seemed pretty amazed that it was normal food.

All too soon my energy drained and I hit the wall.  I was watching them take turns using an app that distorted their faces in the video in all sorts of funny ways, and suddenly I couldn’t laugh any more.  I had to ask to talk to Daddy, and tell my son thank you so much, but I was done.

Today I left the office early because this headache still hasn’t let up, and I couldn’t really think to do my work.  Once again, I had hit the wall.  My heart was willing but my body was saying “stop!!”

I’m not quite sure how to deal with this – when I want to do something good,  but my body just won’t cooperate.  Do I push, even if it might make the exhaustion worse later?  Do I give in and just not do things I want or especially, I need to do?  Is there another way to handle it?

I’m open for advice here…

The LORD gives strength
to those who are weary.

Even young people get tired, 
then stumble and fall.

But those who trust the LORD 
will find new strength.

They will be strong like eagles 
soaring upward on wings;
they will walk and run without getting tired.

Isaiah 40:28-31

4 thoughts on “hitting the wall

  1. Cheri

    You are required by law to listen to your body. It’s telling you when you need to rest, and when you need to laugh. You got lots of love and laughs from those wonderful boys, and it’s plenty to hold you through this headache. Listen to your heart. It’s telling your wonderful, cancer-going-away body to rest so that you will be well.
    I wish I could sit at the end of your bed and tell you bedtime stories!
    Rest, Kim. Rest and know you’re very loved.

    • I wish you could too! In fact, right now I want you here telling me bedtime stories pretty darn bad.
      Thanks, sweetie. One thing that I surely know at this point in time is that I am very loved. I’m humbled and overwhelmed with it.
      I love you too.

  2. grace haas

    I have to agree with Viv – I know that feeling (been there, done that for a short time), but taking care of you is top priority as you take this journey. At the same time, I understand how wanting to be “normal” is so important. Just follow the demands of your body – God is your strength.

    Love you and care SO much.

    Praying for you continually –


  3. viv christopherson

    Sorry you’re having a rough day – here’s a hug from Minn OOOO. I think your body is telling you it needs more rest right now & it’s OK to indulge that need. Keep looking up!
    Love Ya – Viv

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