moods & attitudes

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I’m in a pretty stinky mood right now.  I still have a good attitude though.  That sounds weird, even to me as the one saying it, but they are different things.

I have ended up discussing attitude with three different people today, totally coincidentally.  People keep telling me how “amazing” I am, like any normal person would be in the pits of despair.  Not true, by the way, everyone I have met so far fighting this disease has been incredible.

My take on attitude (and I don’t think this is terribly original) is just that it’s a choice.  My situation isn’t going to change.  I’ve got cancer, I’m going through chemo.  I can mope and pout and be angry at God and say how unfair it is and be depressed – and I will have cancer and go through chemo.  Or I can look for how God is using it for good and his glory, look for opportunities to help others who are in worse situations (which always makes me feel a lot better), watch for people who are hurting and vulnerable and need to hear how much God loves them, and choose to be positive and cheerful – and I will have cancer and go through chemo.  That’s attitude.

On the other hand, right at the moment, I’m kind of sad and feeling a bit low because of some personal  stuff.  It’s one of those situations where nobody did anything wrong – but in me being honest with someone, I took away their enthusiasm for something they were really excited about, and now I feel like a piece of dung (to be very King James Version) about it.  If you talked to me right now, I wouldn’t be too bouncy or positive.  I’d be pretty flat.  In fact, probably a bit grouchy.   So don’t talk to me right now.  This is a mood.  It won’t last.

I’m writing this to make sure that nobody thinks I’m some kind of saint or holier-than-thou who is just always so sweet and smiling even though I’m sick and going through chemo.  Sometimes I’m sad, sometimes I feel sorry for myself.  I have my times I cry and times I’m just cranky.  Right now I’m bummed about something totally non-cancer and honestly it’s kind of refreshing!! (Hey, I just made myself laugh, so I guess the mood is breaking.)

But attitude is something I can choose, and I choose to trust, praise, glorify and honor God.  And I still have cancer, and I’m going through chemo.

Why are you discouraged, my soul?
Why are you so restless?
Put your hope in God,
because I will still praise him.
He is my savior and my God.   Psalm 42:5

So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him.  Romans 12:1  The Message

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2 thoughts on “moods & attitudes

  1. Nermin

    Kimmie! I’m sorry you’re down. Knowing you, it won’t last long. And I hope to God that person whose enthusiasm you took away wasn’t me, bc I always talk to you, but I’ve never been bummed out after any of our conversation. If anything, I feel peace and relief. So thank you for that, and I am sorry that I cannot repay you those kind favors right now. Maybe a picture of an inflatable sheep will make you smile at least for a second…….yes? No? Maybe so? Love you forever and ever, Amen!

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