I’m in a pretty stinky mood right now. I still have a good attitude though. That sounds weird, even to me as the one saying it, but they are different things.
I have ended up discussing attitude with three different people today, totally coincidentally. People keep telling me how “amazing” I am, like any normal person would be in the pits of despair. Not true, by the way, everyone I have met so far fighting this disease has been incredible.
My take on attitude (and I don’t think this is terribly original) is just that it’s a choice. My situation isn’t going to change. I’ve got cancer, I’m going through chemo. I can mope and pout and be angry at God and say how unfair it is and be depressed – and I will have cancer and go through chemo. Or I can look for how God is using it for good and his glory, look for opportunities to help others who are in worse situations (which always makes me feel a lot better), watch for people who are hurting and vulnerable and need to hear how much God loves them, and choose to be positive and cheerful – and I will have cancer and go through chemo. That’s attitude.
On the other hand, right at the moment, I’m kind of sad and feeling a bit low because of some personal stuff. It’s one of those situations where nobody did anything wrong – but in me being honest with someone, I took away their enthusiasm for something they were really excited about, and now I feel like a piece of dung (to be very King James Version) about it. If you talked to me right now, I wouldn’t be too bouncy or positive. I’d be pretty flat. In fact, probably a bit grouchy. So don’t talk to me right now. This is a mood. It won’t last.
I’m writing this to make sure that nobody thinks I’m some kind of saint or holier-than-thou who is just always so sweet and smiling even though I’m sick and going through chemo. Sometimes I’m sad, sometimes I feel sorry for myself. I have my times I cry and times I’m just cranky. Right now I’m bummed about something totally non-cancer and honestly it’s kind of refreshing!! (Hey, I just made myself laugh, so I guess the mood is breaking.)
But attitude is something I can choose, and I choose to trust, praise, glorify and honor God. And I still have cancer, and I’m going through chemo.
Why are you discouraged, my soul?
Why are you so restless?
Put your hope in God,
because I will still praise him.
He is my savior and my God. Psalm 42:5
So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Romans 12:1 The Message