adjusting

I’ve had to realize that things can’t be exactly the way they were BC (before cancer).  I have to adjust and rearrange and flex.

Since my white blood cell count is so low, I have to do some things differently.  I have to be careful how I eat – fruits and vegetables have to be thoroughly washed before using, even if they’re going to be peeled.  I can’t order something out to eat unless I’m sure it’s going to be cooked enough to kill any possible bacteria – no raw garnishes, etc.  I have to avoid large crowds.  Tomorrow morning I will be going to church on my laptop, watching the service streamed live while I stay home safe from lots of people with germs and viruses and little kids carrying who knows what.  (If I fall asleep during the sermon, no one will know.)  Monday when I go to work I will scurry around the office with disinfectant wipes, sanitizing the doorknobs and surfaces, my keyboard and telephone, anywhere that I might touch.  Did you know that the average office desk has more germs per square inch than the average toilet seat?  I read that on Web MD.  Yuck!

Today our best friends Mike and Marty came over, which was great.  Mike took Sam out for some guy time (and some take-care-of-the-caretaker-time.  Nice.)  Marty and I hung out talking like always, but I got exhausted.  So, (adjusting), instead of just pushing through and really making myself much worse, I just told her I needed to lie down.  We went into the bedroom and crashed out on the bed, looking for something on TV.  Within a few minutes another good friend, Nermin, came by, and I told her cool, come in and join the slumber party.  There we were, three of us just hanging out on my bed watching Real Housewives of Beverly Hills – which neither Marty or I had seen before, but Nermin was an expert on, so she gave us the blow-by-blow.  I can’t imagine doing something like that six months ago, but I just did what my body needed.  My friends understood, and honestly, it was fun.  Although there was nothing real about those housewives.  They were so botoxed they couldn’t change expression if Elvis appeared and tap danced on the table.

I have to make plans around what stage of chemo I will be in – will I be able to go out?  Will I be able to eat normal food or need soft, mild food because of mouth sores?  Will I be feeling normal or fighting nausea and exhaustion?  This is another adjustment I am getting used to, looking at the calendar and figuring out where I will be in my chemo cycle, and what that means in terms of planning future events.

So I guess I’m adjusting to having to adjust.  Life is not the same as it was.  And that’s ok.  It’s life, and I’m incredibly glad and grateful to be living it.

Trust in the Lord and do good; so you will live in the land, and enjoy security. Take delight in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. Be still before the Lord, and wait patiently for him. (Psalm 37:3-7a)

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