I didn’t post yesterday. I came home from work and slept all afternoon. I’ve been pretty exhausted lately and I just crashed. And the thing is, everything is pretty much the same now, day to day. Life has gotten to a new normal. I get up and go to work, come home and go to bed and either rest or sleep till Sam comes home. We have dinner and then spend some time together in the evening, doing something quiet, usually watching TV or a DVD, sometimes playing cards or dominoes.
I’m still very aware that I have cancer. It’s kind of hard to forget about, even for someone like me who forgets where I live. There are definite reminders. Every time I look in the mirror, I”m bald. (I only wear the wig when I go out – it’s itchy and uncomfortable). Seeing myself bald is something that I don’t seem to really get used to. Last night I was reading my Kindle in bed, and Sam came in the room and said “Look at you there, all quiet and bald”. It’s just weird. It’s ok, and we are both good with it – but it stays weird.
I have a port in my chest complete with a couple of scars – I can feel it, there’s a hard, raised object in me right under my skin. It’s hard not to fiddle with it – kind of like when you have a sore tooth and your tongue wants to go to it. I’m tired all the time and I’m always thirsty – I have a cup of water with me everywhere.
But otherwise cancer isn’t affecting my day-to-day life a lot. I’m not in pain, or having surgery, or anything like that. Although recently the drop in my white cell count has restricted my ability to go just about anywhere, or eat out, and made me extremely aware of germs and bacteria. I’ve heard Howie Mandell is phobic of germs. Maybe it comes with the baldness. I wonder…
Actually, today I’m much more concerned for a good friend who leaves tomorrow for the Mayo Clinic for brain tumor surgery. The tumor is benign but is sitting on the optic nerve and is between two major arteries, so he is understandably a bit nervous. Personally, I don’t know how relaxed I’d be if a doctor told me they were going to go up my nose, break my sinuses, and go into my brain. That sounds like an alien probe in those UFO abductions people report. I told him I would be praying, so if anyone reading this wants to join me, please pray for Jason who is having brain surgery on Friday.
All I’ll be doing Friday is sitting in my leather recliner with a tube going into my port, getting chemo. I sure wouldn’t want to trade places.
Trust in the Lord and do good; so you will live in the land, and enjoy security. Take delight in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act. Be still before the Lord, and wait patiently for him. (Psalm 37:3-5, 7a)
Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my help and my God. By day the Lord commands his steadfast love, and at night his song is with me, a prayer to the God of my life. (Psalm 42: 5,8)