Tonight my heart hurts.  Tomorrow is Sam’s birthday, and we will celebrate (a little), but it will be somewhat forced and a little false.  I know that he feels sad and scared for the future.  He has been out of work for two weeks now.  I realize in the current economy that may not sound like much at all, but it is two weeks longer than he has ever been out of work before.  He is a man who takes care of his family and does his job excellently, and those are traits that are very much part of the definition of who he is.  Not having that part of him is making the world feel shaky.  He’s not saying that, I just see it.

Sam has had a pretty bad history with birthdays.  He got the news that there was nothing more that could be done for his dad’s cancer on his 39th birthday.  He found out his entire company was getting a 25% salary cut on his 51st.  And now, for his 53rd, he is going through an intense valley of a wife with cancer, a job loss and the loss of an expected new and better job with no immediate prospect in sight.

He is doing everything right, praying, trusting, networking, applying, keeping his spirits up… but I know him and I know how hard it is.  And I love him, and nothing hurts me as much as seeing him hurting.  I would do anything I could to change this.  The worst part about it is that there is nothing I can do.  I’ve been saying all along that my cancer is harder on the people who love me than it is on me,  and going through this, I’m sure I am right.  Nothing is as bad as the helpless feeling of wanting to fix what is hurting your loved one.

The thing is, he’s really great.  I’ve actually worked for him, and working for your husband isn’t easy, but he is an excellent boss.   He is so organized and detail-oriented, and amazingly calm when things get crazy and chaotic.  He is a fantastic manager, the people who work for him love him.  Any company would be so lucky to have him.  How do I get them to know it?

One thought on “honesty

  1. Trisha

    I remember all too well what it was like for the 5 months Rusty was without work. It got pretty rough financially for a short but very real amount of time. I pray this is a brief bump in your journey. You & Sam are such wonderful people who truly are such a blessing to each other and so many other people, myself included. Sam was so patient & helpful to us as we were the Monks in the Christmas Pageant. He made it so fun, while a few of us were getting so nervous, he remained calm & even helped us with our cues. He’d be a great guy to work for and there’s a perfect job being prepared for him. Bless you both.

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