They said that the eyelashes don’t come out till six or seven chemo treatments.  They were wrong.  I have almost no eyelashes, which I think looks stranger than none at all.  Just a few sprinkled here and there.  So now at fifty years old, for the first time in my life, I am trying to learn to deal with false eyelashes, without looking like Reese Witherspoon in Legally Blonde.     When I come home from work and take off my wig and my eyelashes, I look like a mannequin.  It’s strange.  I’d gotten used to the bald  Kim, but somehow losing the eyelashes has changed the entire perception of how I look again.  I’m more aware of the weight I’ve gained and especially how much rounder my face is (I know it’s the steroids, but I can’t wear a sign that says so… I still just look like I have a fat face.)  When I take the lashes off, my eye makeup is all weird, with liner halfway up my eyelids, and a blank area with no shadow or anything between the liner and the few little porcupine needles of lashes I have left.  I look like some 1940’s movie star gone mad.  And bald.

So I am learning how to put on falsies (eyelashes, eyelashes!) and it’s harder than I thought.  If they aren’t at just the right angle, they stick straight out and look like bat wings instead of eyelashes.  And you can put them on upside-down.  They aren’t very pretty curling down at the eyeball.

So, one more little adjustment.  Nothing huge, nothing life threatening.  Just a silly little vanity thing.  And no big spiritual insights.  Just a piece of my world today.  Trying to keep feeling pretty when everything about my body keeps changing.  But I do know this – my worth isn’t in how I look.  My worth is in who loves me.  My husband who doesn’t care how I look, but loves me for myself.  My friends and family who love me because of the wonderful people they are.  And Jesus, who loves me because he made me, saved me, loves me because he IS love.  My eyelashes don’t matter much at all, when I think about that.

We, though, are going to love—love and be loved. First we were loved, now we love. He loved us first.  1 John 4:19

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