Today has been about mid 40s and steadily raining – that cold, gray rain that makes you feel like you can’t get warm even when you’re indoors. I know that it means the grass will get greener in a couple of days when the sun is back shining again, but today was just miserable, and I felt about as bad as the day looked.
Once again, since it’s Friday, we headed for the Cancer Center. Finally we got to have a meeting with my oncologist about the scans I had done almost two weeks ago. I should have been so excited or at least anxious to hear the results, but I just wanted to stay home. I felt so sick and ached so much when I breathed, I didn’t want to be anywhere but bed. Those who know me well will understand the depth of my discomfort when you hear that I told Sam that if I had a choice right then between front row seats at a Donny Osmond concert or being in bed, bed would win hands down. (I realize for some people that’s a no-brainer, but I went to a Donny Osmond concert once with a screaming migraine, and – I’m ashamed to admit it – left my poor husband standing alone in the middle of the road when I heard screaming start at the stage door. Yep. Started running. And yes, I screamed. And yes, I was an adult.) So that’s how sick I felt, or rather, still feel.
My doctor realized that I was not doing well, (maybe lying on the exam table in a fetal position was a clue) and on examining me, decided I was dehydrated and kept me at the Cancer Center to give me IV fluids. So my brief appointment ended up being over four hours at the Center. At one point I just broke down and started sobbing in the chemo room. Sam held me and comforted me and encouraged me. I only mention this because later a really lovely young man came up, apologized for unintentionally eavesdropping, and then said how wonderful it was that we had each other and the way that we were there for each other. He said he would pray for us. As we continued to talk a little, we found out his wife was a cancer survivor and he was there getting treatment for sickle cell anemia. He had a beautiful attitude and I do pray that God blesses them. It also shows, as Sam and I were talking about later, that someone is always watching, and we are always witnessing with our lives, much more than the times we choose to witness with words.
Back to the scans. They were great. The PET scan showed absolutely no active cancer. The CT scan showed that the tumor on my adrenal gland that had been almost 7 cm was now only 2 cm, and since it is not showing up on the PET scan, Dr. Geetha feels that it is probably dead cells and no longer cancerous. I have to have one further round of chemo to finish the course, and then more scans to make sure everything is gone. After that, scans every 3 months for a year, and then we will see how often. Dr. Geetha said that the result was as good as she could possibly have hoped for. So YAY! Praise God. When the nurse practitioner called last week we knew that the results were good, but specifics like this are just wonderful.
I will praise you, Lord my God, with all my heart; I will glorify your name forever. For great is your love toward me; you have delivered me from the depths, from the realm of the dead. Psalm 86:12-13
******On a totally unrelated subject, concerns have been raised to me about yesterday’s post. I just want to say that if you are reading this blog, the chances that you are the person(s) that I am having any kind of difficulty with are slim to none. If you care enough to ask or even wonder, the chances are absolutely none! And again, the real problem is mine. I need to get my expectations in line, and accept people for who they are, not who I want them to be.