It’s a very strange phenomenon. This has been the hardest several months of our lives, and then a few weeks ago it got much worse when Sam lost his job and didn’t get the job he was counting on. Our house had been on the market and we realized we would now need to downsize as the probability was that Sam’s immediate career future would not be as financially secure as we were used to. We continued to pray and trust and wait to see what God was doing.
As we let everyone know several days ago, in one afternoon, Sam got a new job and we got an offer on the house. Obviously, both great things and answers to prayers. But since then, things have just gotten so much more crazy. We are closing on the house before the end of the month, so all of the inspections and appraisals and signings and so on have had to happen very fast. Of course, so has packing. And finding a new apartment.
Sam is going through the normal adjustment to a new job with a lot to learn, but having all the moving stress makes it much harder. And the fact that I’ve been pretty sick this week makes it much harder on him, because I am of very little help in packing and getting things ready. I have done a few closets but I just can’t do all that much, so it falls to him.
Saturday we are going to have a moving sale, because we have to get rid of some stuff and that’s the only day available. The problem is that Friday I get my first Neupogen shot, and that means on Saturday I will be in a lot of pain. Thankfully a couple of friends will help. We have wonderful friends.
Next Thursday we move. It’s so hard to get people to help on a weekday, but Sam’s new job has a lot of weekend and evening hours, and the only weekend day available was Easter Sunday, which wasn’t a great pick either. We have a couple of friends who have said they would be available, but at this point not what we need.
All in all it feels like so much. And then there’s the unpacking and getting moved in. With working, of course, and normal life stuff. Oh, and I can’t forget chemo the day after we move.
It’s kind of confusing to me why when the good stuff started happening and the prayers started getting answered, the stress level went up so much. You would think it would be the other way around. I know this is temporary, and in a few weeks we will be resettled and all this stress will be over. (If you’ve ever looked at one of those stress charts, we have most of the top 10 right now. Everything but divorce and death of loved one.)
But, sometimes I think it’s easy for us to turn to God in the bad times, but then to run things on our own when things are going well. If everything that has been happening in Sam and my lives has been training and shaping us for the future, then just because some of the circumstances are more favorable for the present doesn’t mean that God is done training and shaping. So we still have hurdles and struggles, we still need to depend on his strength and not on our own. We still need to fill our minds with his word so we think in his direction and not in our own. Above all, we need to remember to ask for help and know he will be right there, when we feel overwhelmed.
Come to me, all you who are struggling hard and carrying heavy loads, and I will give you rest. Put on my yoke, and learn from me. I’m gentle and humble. And you will find rest for yourselves. My yoke is easy to bear, and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-31
My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever. Psalm 73:26