I haven’t had time to write for a few days and I’ve really missed it. We are so busy getting ready to move, and I’m in that wonderful stage right after my Neupogen shot, where my body hurts like my bones are trying to break from the inside. Sadly I was hurting too badly this morning to get ready for church in time. Sam is in choir and he couldn’t be late, and I could barely move. It takes a long time for the Vicodin to help, and by the time I could get around without yelling out in pain, the service was well underway. So I spent Easter at home.
This has actually been a really different Holy Week for me. This has been the first time I haven’t been to any service at all, not Good Friday, not Maundy Thursday (which I never did really understand, but I used to go to a church that had services on Thursday instead of Friday, so, whatever…) and not Easter Sunday. In fact, Sam just said to me, “This was just the most Easter-less Easter I’ve ever had”. I tried watching Passion Of The Christ on TV this afternoon but I was getting really sick from it, so that definitely didn’t add to my Easter experience.
I’ve been trying to just concentrate from time to time on what it is we are celebrating – what Jesus did for me. It is so huge that it’s hard to think about, and so I think it can be easy to take for granted, or not really stop and examine. For instance, the crucifixion. I know the physical agony had to be unbelievable, but the thing that I keep thinking about is this – What if I had to face all my sin at once? What if every rotten thing I had ever done, said or thought; every angry word, every unkind remark, every selfish gesture, every time I was short or harsh to my kids, every piece of gossip, every single thought to myself and myself alone – what if all of those sins were piled up on me all at once and I had to face them and deal with them? I don’t think I could stand it. I don’t think I could stand a year’s worth, much less a lifetime’s. And yet Jesus had a lifetime’s of mine, and everyone else’s, for all the thousands of years before he lived and yet to come… all at once. The one person who had never sinned, suddenly having all of the world’s sin dumped onto him, not just to have to face it or look at it, but to actually be guilty of it. To pay for it. That is just beyond what I can imagine, and I am so thankful.
I don’t even know what else I can say without just sounding like a cliche of an Easter card. I am so thankful for what Jesus did and so joyful that he proved his power over death by rising on Sunday! I’m really too sick to write much more… so… Hallelujah, Christ Arose!!