well, this is new

I have adjusted to a lot of changes in my life lately.  Big changes, like having cancer, dealing with chemotherapy, selling our house, Sam losing his job and getting one in a very different pay grade, moving, and learning the cycle of when I will feel well, sick or exhausted; and small changes like losing my hair, gaining weight from the chemo drugs, losing my eyelashes, having only one car, and fitting a household into an apartment and still finding everything.

Many of those changes have to do with the physical me: hair loss, weight gain, eyelash loss.  I’m not the same person I was when I was diagnosed, in many ways.  I think inside I’m better, I’ve learned a lot and grown more than any other time in my life.  Outside, I didn’t fare as well, and I’ve been trying to just take that as part of the process.

However, things have gotten out of hand.  The most recent change is just not to be tolerated.

My hair is growing back.  It’s about 1/4 inch long.  And it’s snow white.  Not gray, white.  Now obviously, it’s time to draw the line at what I can just smilingly accept as change.  It will take months for my hair to grow long enough to be styled and worn, but believe me when I say that when it is, it will be red, as it was intended to be.  I may be fine walking around looking like Mr. Clean, but I’m not about to walk around looking like Mrs. Santa.

Hair silliness aside, though, life has sure been interesting lately.  A friend said to me yesterday that she can’t wait to see what God is going to do next.  I am excited about whatever God has in store for us, but since I promised total honesty when I started this blog, I have to say that tonight, the way I feel (one week post-chemo, time for me to crash) I am tired.  I’m ready for God to let us rest a little and settle in.  Get used to the idea of me being post-cancer.  Get used to the idea of being in a different income level.  Get my strength back.  I feel like a lot has come at us at once.

However, I do believe and trust that God knows exactly why, and exactly what is needed to prepare us or grow us or strengthen us for the work he has ahead for us.  So I’m not complaining.  I know that everything that comes at us is something God will use to mold us more into the image of Jesus.

 And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.  Romans 8:28


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