back home again

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It was a great weekend.  I not only got through it, but it was terrific.  There was no conflict or difficulty, despite all  my worrying.  Worrying is just expending a lot of energy in advance of something that has not happened yet, that does nothing to change it.  I know that, but I still spent all that time worrying.  How silly of me.  And here I had such a truly happy time.  I was so proud of Courtney that I could hardly shut up about it, and my grandkids kept me laughing the whole time.  They are crazy dudes.  Marky took us all out after graduation and was funny and sweet – and bought me a Starship Enterprise pizza cutter for my birthday.  Totally the coolest thing.   I have the nicest parents in existence, and some pretty great sibs.  Altogether, I really like my family a lot.

I think that going home and seeing my family put a kind of final punctuation to the whole chapter of my life titled “Cancer”.  It started when I told them about the diagnosis and I needed to go there with the clean bill of health to have a real ending.  Although there are some residual effects like hair loss that will remind me for a long time, basically I’m mentally and emotionally finished with cancer.  I got rid of the tote bag I used to take supplies to chemo.  I got rid of my informational material.  I just didn’t want anything that reminded me of that time.  It’s kind of weird.  I was ok going through it, but now that it’s over it makes me queasy to think about it, especially chemo.

Anyway, that’s kind of beside the point.  The weekend was everything I could have hoped for and nothing I feared.  I can’t say that my ex and his wife were warm and fuzzy, but they weren’t hostile or angry either.  We were all nice and kind and that’s all that reasonably could be hoped for.

The important thing is that I got to spend a couple of beautiful days soaking up the presence of all my loved ones and giving them as much love as I could.  Not to mention a very enjoyable trip there and back with my friend Joan.  I have been smiling without stopping all day.  It feels really good.

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