life and other passing thoughts… without cancer

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You may have noticed I changed the name of this blog.  It wasn’t accurate or applicable anymore, and as I’ve mentioned before, I really want to get everything cancer-related out of my life.  I don’t have cancer anymore.  I do realize I’m still recovering, I do know I will have to be watched carefully and scanned and checked.  But I’m not a patient or a victim.  I’m a survivor, and I’m ready to just be a person.

I feel kind of at loose ends.  While I was sick I had a very definite purpose – get well.  Fight the disease.  I put all my strength into it, into not letting it get me down or discouraged.  And I won.  So now what?  I don’t quite know what to do with myself now.  I have too much energy to just lie in bed like I used to, but not nearly enough to work full-time or take on real projects.  I’m kind of in limbo.  I need a direction.

Sam asked me today if I was going to continue with the blog now that everything was over.  I am, for now.  I enjoy the writing for its own sake.  It’s therapeutic and lets me get my thoughts out in some sort of order.  And my mom looks forward to it.

So that’s one thing at least I can do.  And there are people around me who need ministering to – I don’t mean preaching at, but ministering to.  Being shown the love of Jesus actively.  That takes time and effort.  So that may be where some of this empty time should be going.  I have been saying for a while now that God is preparing Sam and I for something, but this morning I had a thought – what if what he has been preparing us for is NOW?  What if the thing he has for us isn’t some “ministry”, but the opportunity to live our faith while people watch to see how we respond to serious illness, selling our house, Sam losing his job and taking one at a much lower salary – all in a few months.  Maybe this IS the time.

Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people.   Remember that the Lord will give you an inheritance as your reward, and that the Master you are serving is Christ.  Colossians 3:23-24

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