I have a friend who is struggling with her future. She she’s dating a man who wants to marry her. He is a great guy – nice, romantic, financially solid, kind to her family, wants to settle down and have kids… pretty much all around prince . But although she really cares for him and loves being with him, she isn’t feeling the head-over-heels, madly in love, “can’t wait to start my life with this guy” emotions that she thinks she should have to marry him.
Personally, I have been like a pendulum as far as marriage goes – from one extreme to the other. I had a terrible first marriage and now have a wonderful one. The first time I got married far too young, not even understanding what marriage was all about, and for all the wrong reasons. I wanted someone to validate me as a person and make up for all the early rejection I had gotten. I wanted to feel accepted and important, and have a guarantee that I would always be loved. I wanted someone to make me whole. Not a good basis for a marriage, and he was just as young – and even worse, he needed all the same things. Two damaged people trying to get the other one to fix them.
My current (and forever) marriage to Sam is not by any mature choice of mine but simply the grace of God. I fell in love with a man who happened to be wonderful, thankfully, because I hadn’t gotten healthy enough to have criteria for what a good husband should be (or what I should be as a wife, for that matter). He has been one of the greatest blessings in my life and one I do not deserve but am incredibly grateful for. We have worked hard to make this marriage strong – but I did and still do feel those head-over-heels feelings, the tingle in my stomach thinking about him. Probably more today than when we were first together. So I don’t know what to tell my friend.
I’m opening it up for opinions and advice – I would really like to know what you think. Is finding a good, stable man who loves her and will be a great husband enough? Or should she hold out for the fireworks? Are the fairy tale feelings deceptive? If she holds out for them could she end up with someone who won’t be nearly as good to her?
Your opinions please… (“leave a comment” link is at the top of the blog)