something missing


If you’re looking for something funny or uplifting, this is the official disclaimer.  (You know, like the really tiny print at the bottom of ads, or the stuff they say really fast at the end of some commercials.) You’re probably not going to find it here today.  I’m not even putting it in really tiny print- I’m telling you straight out.  I’m feeling pretty down.  I’ve tried to get past it and it just hangs on, so I’m hoping a good night’s sleep will reset me, like hitting restart on my computer.

I’m feeling sad and lonely and empty because of a couple of relationships that aren’t what they should be.  This is nothing new, in fact it’s very long-term.  I wish it was something I could just walk away from but I can’t.  It’s just not in me.  I know people who can, who have the ability to detach and say, “If that’s how they are, fine.  I’m done.”  I’m not sure if I wish I was one.  It might hurt less, but I would (literally) care less, as well.  And I’m not willing not to care.

I’ve done everything that I can think of to make these relationships work.  I can honestly say that I have done my part to the best of my knowledge and understanding, and if God reveals anything else to me, I’m willing and eager to do that as well.  I know the answer is to just wait.  But it hurts.

I have wonderful friends.  I have been blessed with truly the best parents possible, and loving siblings.  My husband is so fantastic that some of my friends’ husbands get annoyed because he makes them look bad 🙂  Seriously, he is truly something special, and makes me feel cherished every day.  And I know that I am deeply loved and accepted and wanted by God.

But – when I had the serious staph infection in my big toe and couldn’t step down on it or put a sheet over it, telling myself that I had two strong arms and a good nose, and uninfected elbows, didn’t lessen the pain in my toe.  And although I am truly surrounded by love, right this minute what I feel is the pain of this broken place in my life.

Tomorrow I will be better.  This has gone on for a long time, and I get like this every so often, but I can’t stay like this or I couldn’t function.  And the love and support that surrounds me is what holds me up and gets me through, so thank you, every one of you.  And thank You, my loving, merciful Savior, because you hold me in your right hand so that when I have days like this when I just can’t walk, I can simply lie there and know your strength will be enough.

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