Wow – I didn’t realize how long it’s been since I wrote anything. I’ve been enjoying this incredible weather. When have we ever seen 80 degree March weeks in Nebraska? This has been the best winter ever, within my lifetime. I’ve heard that the farmers haven’t had enough precipitation, and that’s not good at all. But purely on a personal basis, as a woman for whom cold equals pain, this winter of very little snow and no below-zero stretches has been absolutely wonderful.
One reason I haven’t been writing lately is I’ve been spending some time doing some of the preliminary work on trying to turn the first year or so of this blog into a book. This has entailed me reading a lot of the early entries, which, as you can imagine, has brought back a lot of memories and feelings. Re-living those first days of diagnosis, telling family, and chemotherapy brought a mosaic of emotions. But what brought me back the most was reading about the decision I made to take the familiar verses from scripture and actually use them as instruction for my life. I felt so connected to God, so protected and loved. I was totally holding on to the verses about God’s hand on me and so at peace as I faced the biggest challenge of my life.
Now that life is back to normal, it’s harder to stay in that place. When things are going along pretty smoothly, it’s easy to just kind of coast, reading my Bible most of the time, praying over meals and at bedtime and when things come to mind, certainly loving the Lord and wanting to obey and honor him – but not really experience the total dependence, the complete immersion into the Spirit of the Lord that I was experiencing a year ago.
I want to figure out how to stay in that place, without the crisis. I know it’s possible to be in a constant close relationship with God. I want to get there.