Last night I had one of those dreams that’s like watching a long, complex movie. Not the kind where everything is weird and confusing and changes from one thing to another, but the kind that seems so real that it’s almost a memory when you wake up.
I dreamed that I was abducted from my home by a large, ugly man with a knife. He had long stringy black hair (not that that’s important). He was determined to kill someone, but instead of killing me, he decided to make me go with him and witness what he was doing. We came to a very poor neighborhood and he chose a house and got the woman to open the door. When we went in I saw a baby, about a year old. I started to try to beg him to make a different choice because of the baby but he just got more violent. Then a young girl came in as well, and while he was distracted, I slipped into the kitchen and tried to call 911, but the phone was disconnected. I was frantic to save the woman and her family, so I then slipped out the back door and ran for help, but everyone I talked to was totally uninterested, and every phone I found was not working, or (strangely) was a toy phone.
Why am I sharing this with you? Because when I woke up, almost immediately I realized that the dream had a meaning for me, and I promised that this blog would be an honest, open record of my journey and what I learn.
I realized that no matter what I think I do or would do, my subconscious, the deepest part of my mind, was telling me that when faced with a problem, I try to fix it myself. Then I try to go to someone else for help. What is missing from that dream? At no point did I pray. The only thing I didn’t do was ask for God’s help.
I realize, it was just a dream. But that understanding came to me so quickly and totally that I have to believe it was the Holy Spirit speaking to my heart. I need to turn to God first, deliberately, until it’s second nature, and so deep in my heart and mind that it’s what my subconscious knows as well.