gotta be honest here

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Ok, a couple of days ago I had a lot of high-sounding stuff to say about realizing how much better off I am than a lot of others, and not having anything to complain about. I still feel that way, really I do, but I have to confess that what’s been coming out of my mouth the last few days hasn’t been matching those sentiments.

I had a shot on Monday to increase my white blood cell count, which set off a severe headache.  It’s now Thursday afternoon, and the headache hasn’t stopped.  Or slowed down.  Or eased up.  It has been mixed with some bouts of nausea.  And believe me, whether or not I think I am blessed and have nothing to complain of, I’ve been doing my share of complaining.

Sam has heard “My head is killing me”, “”My head hurts so bad”, “This headache needs to stop”, over and over in the last few days.  I don’t want to complain but I do anyway.

I think what I have learned from this is that even though I know in my head and heart that someone else’s situation is worse than mine, it doesn’t make me hurt less.  It might help me put things in perspective and keep from falling into self-pity, or keep my attitude positive when I need to, but it sure doesn’t help with actual pain.  And I have a feeling that there will be times it may not always help with inner pain either.  Someone else’s pain is theoretical.  My own pain is the only one that is real to me.   Your own pain is the only one that is real to you.  I hope I can remember how real other people’s pain is to them.  When I get over this headache.  Right now I don’t want to do anything.  Just make it go away.

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